Looking into the future, both near and far

I know, I know, that is a picture from the way past. I was actually at this game, a Houston Hurricane (of the long lost NASL) match in the Astrodome (prior to the soul-killing seat addition of the early 1990s). I remember my dad watching and saying to me, "I just can't get into any game where the men wear shorts." And he never could.

But that little trip down memory lane is not why we're here today! Instead, I'm here to offer more predictions on which I would definitely not advise you to hang any hats. After last week, my official record on the year is a hardly-inspiring 4-11. In my defense, I will point out that my record of 3-5 last week is a marked improvement over the 1-6 I posted in Week 2. (I did not predict in Week 1, so I'm calling it a push.) My record, by the way, looks only at the wins and losses, not the scores, which would be a soul-killing 0-15. My self-respect, therefore, in tatters as it is, is sticking with 4-11.

So what do you do when faced with such a result? Well, like any true gambler, I intend to double down (I didn't say "winning" gambler, now did I?). The wife and I will be out of town for a week beginning tomorrow. (Durn MLS went and scheduled the Dynamo-NYRB game on me this weekend after I had made these plans. Domestic policy is very clear on this: Go with the Wife. But the committee meetings were heated, to say the least.)

So, not only will I predict this weekend's matches, I will predict next weekend's matches as well. So the cracked crystal ball is showing me an even more warped picture than normal here. No matter. No matter. Here we go.

WEEK FOUR

Red Bull NY at DYNAMO: 4-0 Dynamo. I have had it up to here with all of this carping about the Orange, and so, I suspect have they. NYRB has looked absolutely terrible this season. Total rubbish. And a visit to the team they upset at Robertson Stadium last November, a good team that has underperformed so far and is still steaming from that loss is hardly the tonic that JS Osorio is looking for, I would wager. Akinbiyi scores while the weather is still nice in his Dynamo debut. (Have faith in the US Embassy on this.)

Chicago at San Jose: 1-1. San Jose is woeful, to be sure. But at home they man up and Darren Huckerby is bound to wake up some time. Chicago is too good to lose to these guys, though, so I'm going with a draw here.

FC Frisco at Toronto: 2-0 Reds. Excuse me for a second while I reflect on FC Worthless' start to the season, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! There, got that out of my system. De Ro scores and taunts Dallas while he does it. And did anyone other than me notice how decidedly uncomfortable he looked on the BMO Turf against Seattle last week? He hates that surface and will get hisself hurt on it sooner rather than later. You wait and see.

DC United at Real Salt Lake. 2-0 RSL. I know DCU beat us last week, but other than the kinda weird goal, did you see anything from that team that makes you think "quality"? Nope, me either.

Colorado at Columbus. 4-0 Crew. What better tonic for the Crew, who really are better than they showed last week, than a visit from the Crapids? I love these Col v Col games just because it's so much fun writing that.

Las chivitas v. Galaxy. 3-2 Amerigoats. This faux clasico seems to always produce the goals in bunches if for no other reason than because Landon is always up for it. Gals, to put it mildly, have issues, though, and won't be able to sustain leads, if they get them, or come all the way back if they fall behind (more likely).

Wizards at Sounders. 2-0 Sea. Y'know, Kasey Keller, despite what you may have heard, is not Jesus in the 6-yard box. But his golden goose-egg is not going to be busted by the Wizards.

WEEK FIVE

NE Revolution at DC United. Revs 3-1. After a week off, the much healthier Revs go to the home of their ancient rivals and leave it a little mussed up. With DC's now two-game losing steak, Soehn is outtathere.

RSL at Red Bulls NY. 1-1. New York still can't buy a win. After their thrashing at Robertson in Week 4 (see above), NY comes home and gets the early lead, but they continue to suffer the fate they deserve after selling their future karma for last year's MLS Cup run. The piper, he gets his sheckels. Lots of 'em.

Kansas City at Chicago. 3-0 Fire. Cover your eyes and keep the kids away from the TV. This could get ugly.

Galaxy at San Jose. 2-1 Quakes. The way to San Jose is littered with bodies, and they're all wearing white.

Sounders at Chivas. 1-0 Amerigoats. Chivas' early run continues, but if this was in Seattle, I'd pick it the other way. Who beats Keller first? Kljestan of course.

Toronto at FC Dallas. 1-1 On the reverse end of the home-and-home, Toronto is stunned by the sea of empty seats on the North Texas prairie, allowing Kenny Cooper to fire one in. But then they remember who they're playing, score an equalizer, but because they're just not that good either, they can't go ahead and Frisco get a single, solitary point.

Colorado at DYNAMO. 3-0 Orange. And finally, we can stop reading those stories about how bad off this team is. Two big wins in two games at Robertson and life returns. Akinbiyi scores again, as does Ching and, from distance, Rico.

And awaaay we go........